Give the gift of me this Christmas. It's what Jesus would have wanted.

As a biblical prophet I am often asked what to give loved ones for Christmas. Even though I am very much Old Testament and therefore pre-date the whole 'away-in-a-manger-follow-yonder-star' business.

I recognise that my position as the voice of an almighty that does note exist, except as vehicle for my jokes, comes with responsibilities. It means I must take this enquiry seriously. Therefore purely in the interests of shedding light in the darkness, and not out of some self-serving desire to get as big an audience as possible for my gigs, I thought I would recommend that you buy tickets to my shows for those you love. There are a bunch shortly after Christmas which will be just the ticket. As long as you buy one. And so, in date order:

On January 20, 2017 I'm bringing 10 Food Commandments to Tonbridge, Kent. Tickets here

On January 22, 2017 It's songs of Food and agony with Jay Rayner Quartet. Tickets here (scroll down to the date.)

On Feb 2, 2017 It's 10 Food Commandments at the watermark, Ivybridge not far from Plymouth. Tickets here 

On March 9, 2017 I'm back at the Acapella studio, Cardiff for My Dining Hell. Tickets here

On March 30, 2017 It's 10 Food Commandments, in Bristol. Tickets here

There are a v few seats left for each of the 10 food commandments shows on Dec 9/10 at Brasserie Zedel. Tickets here

Er... that's it. Go forth my children and make it a very happy Christmas.

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Why Michel Roux Jnr may not quite be the anti-Christ

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Why I have had to cancel my upcoming appearance at the Russian Hospitality Show.